BECAUSE I SAID SO
No Reason Needed
When did reasoning with our children become a thing? Making deals and explaining everything was certainly a part of my parenting. From before birth, I was determined to do everything right. If babies were like lumps of clay, to be molded and shaped, I was going to be an expert potter. While pregnant I played baby Mozart CDs, and painted the nursery in yellow because yellow is “happy.” Every activity or action was given a litmus test for encouraging future success.
When our parents and grandparents were handling things, I’ve been told there were conversations about a baby’s temperament. Everyone seemed to agree that some babies were content to linger in their cribs and playpens happily engaged with a mobile. Some babies would fuss and never be comfortable, and other babies were inquisitive and rambunctious. The point was, back then, your baby was your baby and you had to learn how to deal. From what I can tell, there were no conversations about changing your baby. They actually said things like, “babies never change.” I found this to be confusing, it seemed to me everything about a baby changed, and quickly! And I needed to be ready.
So, I read everything and planned and scheduled. The goal was to make any time quality time. No longer did being a mom simply mean feeding, changing, and keeping the baby safe. And most importantly, it was understood that the future depended on me. This was a real J-O-B. Being a stay-at-home mom was somehow a new thing again. It was important for us stay-at-home-moms to make sure that everyone knew how serious of a job it was. To prove this point, there had to be consensus that nobody could do this on their own. Specialists were needed.
Some parents took this rule to heart and had coaches for everything…sleep therapists, speech therapists, behavior therapists, family therapists…If your baby was not doing what you thought he should be, and quite possibly doing exactly what babies naturally do – just like our parents and grandparents said – there was a therapist to “fix” them. The take-away for parents from all of this coaching was committing to answering the question, “why”. And then explaining “why” in minute detail to your infant.
What I learned was the baby you have at 2-years-old stays about the same no matter how many times you try to explain why running with scissors is a bad idea. When my kids reached adolescence, this fact became clear to me. For example, while in the Grand Canyon on vacation with our 13-year-old and three-year-old. Our 13-year-old was climbing up as high as he could get and leaning out over the edge – just like he did at age two climbing the kitchen cabinets and riding his plastic fire truck down the stairs. And our three-year-old was happy to ride on her dad’s shoulders safely taking in the scenery – just like she did as a teenager whenever she was in a new situation, slowly and safely assessing her surroundings.
This tale is too late for those of us that have been left behind by our children. We have doomed ourselves to forever explaining all our actions to our kids. Who coincidentally let us know that they know how to do everything better than we do. For all you new parents, take this story to heart! Stop reasoning and making deals with your kids. You are the parent, and you know best! Next time you are tempted to give them a star on the chart for eating their broccoli….just tell them, “because I said so”.