CRYPT KEEPER
Recently, I was having a conversation with a male friend about whether it’s better to be nice or honest. I’ve always held the opinion that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. Even so, I haven’t always followed my own advice. Especially with my family. Why is it that we hurt the feelings of those we love the most, and try to spare the feelings of perfect strangers?
The worst thing is to say something mean in front of other people. I’m not proud to admit it, but I’ve done it. Usually, it happens if I’m mad about something unrelated or feel ignored or unappreciated. No excuses. It doesn’t work the other way—if someone says something derogatory about your husband or kids—no way will that go unnoticed or uncommented.
That is what my friend and I were talking about. He said he must be honest. So, I posed a situation: “Suppose I ask you if you like my new dress. You know that I like my new dress and that I am excited to have an opportunity to wear it, but you don’t like it. What do you say?”
And he replied, “I’d tell you I don’t like it.”
He justified his response by adding, “I won’t lie.”
I wasn’t going to let it go at that, so I pushed back a little and asked, “If you know it will hurt my feelings, why would you say it?”
He went into a long explanation to justify why he thought it was OK to hurt my feelings. This tirade ended with his original proclamation, “I won’t lie.”
“Don’t lie, then. Just find something nice to say.”
He wasn’t going for it. “That would require too much effort.”
So, here’s what I’m asking you . . . do we really have to choose between nice or honest? Can we always be nice—even if it requires a little extra effort? Sometimes, we get lucky, and end up being nice AND honest.
Have you ever witnessed a woman leaving the public restroom with the back of her skirt tucked into her waistband? Tell her! Wouldn’t you want to know? Telling her is both nice and honest. If it were me, I’d say thank you! Who wants to walk out with their rear end hanging in the breeze?!
It works for guys, too. Say you notice a man with his zipper down. A small signal or an “XYZ,” and you’ve saved him embarrassment. I will say that this situation can be a little awkward for a woman. Point out an XYZ to the wrong guy, and he‘ll think you’re looking for a date!
After many years, my husband has perfected his response to the question “Honest or nice?”
His reply is, “Lie like a rug!”
Knowing this about him, I sometimes prod him and say things like, “Do I look fat in this?” A totally unfair question. But to his credit, he never answers in the affirmative, even when we both know the truth.
Recently, I’ve really been testing him. After turning 50, I just look older, and even though I know it, I don’t like it.
“Should I get Botox?” I’ll ask.
Or I’ll say, “Maybe I should wear glasses to cover the bags under my eyes.”
He replies with, “Honey, 50 is the new 30!”
Gotta love him, even if I do look like the crypt keeper.