DATE NIGHT WITH A PLAN
The way I did it.
We did nothing together.
I wasn’t sure that this experiment would work. For years, I’ve tried to get my husband to see what needs to be done and do it without my prodding and pleading. It’s time for me to admit that the schedule of what I think needs to be done and what he thinks needs to be done are never going to be the same. It’s been wishful thinking on my part - for thirty years.
So, this time, I would NOT sit down for our Friday date-night dinner with a list in my hand and ten bullet points to check off. I would do my best to quiet my inner “to-do” list, enjoy dinner together, and see where the conversation went.
Because anything would be better than what we’ve been doing.
We’d been having “half conversations” for months. A quick jab at the kitchen sink about the state of our roof. A right hook with a reminder that company was arriving at the end of the month. An uppercut with a comment about the credit card bill.
To get the knockout I was looking for, I would have to do some fancy bobbing and weaving. Following my own advice, I needed to try to approach things a little differently. Like no distractions … which meant no phone for me, and no TV for him. We would NOT talk about finances, preventative maintenance, insurance, or our social calendar.
I wasn’t sure I could do it. The list running around in my head was loud, and insistent. The sprinkler pump was on its last leg. The grass was dead. The pool chlorinator stopped working months ago, which meant weekly trips for jugs of chlorine. The fence was halfway falling down in the backyard. And that was just outside the house! HOW COULD HE NOT NOTICE?! That didn’t include the egghead side of my brain. What should we do about the flood insurance? Why is the water bill so high? Do we really NEED 500 TV stations?
It wasn’t a long dinner, and not a particularly romantic one either, but it was nice. By the end, there hadn’t been a single jab about the roof, not one uppercut involving the water bill, and absolutely no surprise swings from the sprinkler pump. No problems were solved. No plans were made. No lists consulted. Just dinner. Somewhere between the front nine and the back nine of his golf story, I realized I had lowered my guard—and apparently so had he.
It turns out that the knockout I was aiming for wasn’t getting everything handled. The combination I needed was to get us back in the same corner again.
The way I did it. Date night with a plan.
This is part of what I’m calling Expeditionvision—my quest to find what a meaningful life looks like. One experiment per week, possible strategies for a happier life. Trying things on purpose and paying attention to what happens. I’m not offering advice or giving instructions. I’m just sharing the way I did it. If there’s something that you’ve been wanting to try—but haven’t—I’d love to hear about it. I’m open to reader suggestions for future experiments.
Field Notes: For Paid Subscribers
Paid subscribers, I’ve added a short field notes section below with what surprised me the most, what I didn’t expect, what I might do next time, and things I’m still working on.