WARNING!
I’m sure there was an instruction manual to warn me all about the associated risks, potential problems, and possible outcomes, which we all know is there only to protect the manufacturer against lawsuits. And I’ve been told it doesn’t actually hold up in court. Nonetheless, I’m sure there was a notice about what could happen, and I bet it went something like … check with your physician … don’t skip the warmup … don’t skip the cool down … don’t attempt this if you are a complete and total klutz. But I didn’t read it, so today I’m lying in bed, unable to lift my arms. Which must be proof that I am a complete and total klutz. I was so excited to use my new exercise ball, I ripped open the package and pinched a nerve between my shoulder blades on the first toss!
As a self-proclaimed rule follower and lover of instruction manuals, that was hard for me to admit.
However, warning labels aren’t rules and instructions in the helpful sense. Often, the print is so small that nobody—not even someone under thirty—can possibly read it. Besides, consulting with my physician wouldn’t have helped me at the moment I tossed the medicine ball into the air.
Hold on … my computer just flashed “low battery.”
Uh-oh. I’m hesitating because there’s only one space left on the power strip. Is it okay to plug the charger into the last one? Is there a rule about the number of items that can be plugged into a strip at the same time? Where’s the darn manual that came with the computer? Or should I look for the manual that came with the power strip?
Remember when you gave no thought to things like that? When getting a new iPhone or car stereo was fun because you were confident about your abilities? Or your kids were still home, and they set them up for you? Back when you didn’t look at new electronics as just one more thing to figure out. Back when you tore into the box right away, rather than letting your Christmas gift sit on the counter until May.
Where is that person? I miss her.
Well, I’ll tell you where she is. She’s lying in bed, unable to move her arms, and staring at an unopened Bluetooth speaker box while researching the electrical systems of the most common rental cars for hire in Arizona.
Why? Because the last time we drove a rental car, we had to call the rental agent when we couldn’t turn off the radio. We didn’t want to return to a car with a dead battery after dinner, so we called and were put on hold for something close to two hours. Of course, we missed our dinner reservation. And when someone finally came on the phone, we were told the radio would turn off by itself when we opened the door!
Not wanting a repeat of that mortifying car rental experience, and because I wish I had paid attention to the warnings before my unfortunate medicine ball experience, I’m happy to increase the print size by 200% and read more than I could possibly need to know about the electrical systems of the Toyota Corolla and the Nissan Altima. Besides, there really isn’t much you can do when you can barely move.
My hope is that you’ll view my experiences as a cautionary tale and avoid the same thing happening to you. Something I’m going to work on, and I propose it for your consideration, is to never again skip reading the fine print.
(This advice does not constitute a legal obligation. The author is not responsible for …)