GOING COMMANDO
And other advice when you're over fifty.
It was as if she blew in on a spring breeze with pixie dust and a ray of sunshine all rolled into one.
She’s definitely a person who knows how to make an entrance. When she walks in, every head turns. The party starts when she arrives. And last night as she floated in, she announced, “I took them off,” and she gave a little shimmy and a suggestive hip bump.
When our kids were babies, we couldn’t wait to get them out of diapers and into underwear. And now that the kids have flown the nest, might it be time to reconsider undergarments? I may not be ready to announce that I’m not wearing any at parties, but things sure have changed in that department. To be fair, shapewear is an altogether different animal than our kids’ Underoos. The pair I wore to the party went from my neck to my knees, and was so tight that I could hardly breathe.
I think back to not so long ago, when Victoria’s Secret Angels strutted down the runway wearing not much more than those giant wings hooked onto their shoulders. We bought underwear to enhance our natural curves and enjoyed perusing the racks and racks of styles and colors, each confection trimmed with lace. Now, we’re trying to squeeze and smash our new natural curves, which look a little more like rolls and lumps, into those lacy sling shots to replicate some kind of resemblance to the shapes of our youth. Unfortunately, my experience of examining myself in the dressing room mirror is one of total and utter failure. Add to that the lack of style and fabric choices—these days we have light, fair, or dark and slimming, super slimming, or ultra slimming—and you’ll see why I’m reconsidering the whole lot!
But then I take a look at my flip side reflection, and I see a bald spot in my hair from my pillow and rolls of back fat popping out over my waistband. And yes, it looks just as gross as it sounds! So, as a courtesy to those who are forced to see me from behind, I suffer in shapewear.
However, after my friend made her announcement last night, I wondered if maybe I’ve made the wrong choice. What does she know that I didn’t? Maybe Bette Davis was right when she said, “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.” And Rhett Butler may have been on to something when he said to Scarlett O’Hara in Gone with the Wind, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Yes . . . and yes! Bette Davis and Rhett Butler may have been ahead of the shapewear rage, but their sentiments are still right on target!
Fortified by old Hollywood glamour, I’m going to stop obsessively checking my flip side and soak in my friend’s aura. So, when you see me awkwardly backing out of the room, you’ll know that I’ve skipped the shapewear and am going commando!
Not a fan of shape wear but not quite ready for the “commando” lifestyle either! Although I have been skinny dipping a few times and would highly recommend!