HUMAN BEING
The way I did it.
I stopped doing.
This weekend, I didn’t climb onto my bicycle for my usual Saturday morning training ride. And I didn’t log on for the afternoon Zoom workshop that I signed up for and paid for weeks ago. And I didn’t drag out my shopping lists or pore over the endless spreadsheets of home improvement projects.
I didn’t do them because I was determined to succeed with my experiment. The plan was to simply “be” … to relax and let my mind and body take a much needed rest. I put down the remote and silenced my cell phone. The house was quiet, I had nowhere to be, and the setting was perfect for success.
And yet, even before the footrest had fully extended on my side of the motion sofa, I had three things in mind that needed to be done … and I just couldn’t keep myself still! My plan of relaxing was interrupted before it even started.
Self-Sabotage reared its ugly head and struck again. I’d say my addiction to doing has been a lifelong obsession. I am a Human Doing.
The first major flare up was when the kids started school. After five years of focusing on their care and feeding, the days seemed impossibly long without them underfoot, so I went back to work.
A more accurate description would be that I became obsessed with work. Having been out of the “professional” workforce for several years, I thought I needed to make up for lost time. For the next fifteen years I opened and grew companies, spearheaded initiatives, and dragged my kids right alongside me. There was rarely a moment when we weren’t doing something. I told myself I was teaching by example … showing the benefits of a strong work ethic … demonstrating how motivating it was to set and achieve goals. We probably all need therapy because of it.
This second major flare up, my empty nest period, has exhibited many of the same qualities. Taking on too much, never saying NO, and relishing the high of reaching the goals I set. Truth be told, I do like some of those qualities. And yet, it’s a little different this time.
For one thing, I’m noticing my tendency to overdo. I didn’t realize it the first time around. It just seemed normal. Everyone I knew was doing the same thing … racing from here to there and back again … day after day. Now when someone asks, “How are you doing?”, my reply is, “I’m having trouble keeping up with my choices.”
I look longingly at the social posts of my friends enjoying a beach sunrise, or the photos they are sharing from their European travels.
And speaking of Europe … maybe the Italians are on to something. I was listening to a podcast recently about the benefits of the Mediterranean diet—a way of eating that I’ve embraced for years. Although the lecture was about incorporating more omega-3 fatty acids and cruciferous vegetables into your diet, it was the part when they talked about eating, not cooking, that caught my attention. The advice was that good-quality ingredients are only half of the story. To get the full benefit of the Mediterranean diet, food must be savored and enjoyed, preferably seated at a table with others.
Without even realizing it, I was doing what the Italians do! Two of my recent experiments put the theory to the test. I hosted a dinner party without impressing, and my husband and I did nothing together on a Friday date night. And both experiments are on the success side of my Expeditionvision chart.
Maybe I have finally discovered the secret sauce. Doing more and more is not the answer… life must be savored and enjoyed together.
The way I did it. Human Being.
This is part of what I’m calling Expeditionvision—my quest to find what a meaningful life looks like. One experiment per week: Possible strategies for a happier life. Trying things on purpose and paying attention to what happens. I’m not offering advice or giving instructions. I’m just sharing the way I did it. If there’s something that you’ve been wanting to try—but haven’t—I’d love to hear about it. I’m open to reader suggestions for future experiments.
Field Notes: For Paid Subscribers
Paid subscribers, I’ve added a short field notes section below with what surprised me the most, what I didn’t expect, what I might do next time, and things I’m still working on.