Just do It! … Because You’re Worth It! … Have it your way!
The 1990s were THE time for self-indulgence. If it felt good, we did it—we had permission. What did we think was going to happen years later if everyone was focused on doing what they wanted, when they wanted? Just look around and you can see the answer to that question—Divorce and Therapy.
In this empty nest stage of our marriage, I’m very aware of the staggering 50% national divorce rate and our national dependence on therapy, which is conveniently now called “coaching” to make it a bit more palatable. Since I’m working hard to avoid them both, it means I’m perfecting the perfect strategy.
And the perfect strategy is to get what I want while making my husband think it is his idea. Let me set the stage for you with some background.
My dad loves to tell the story of one of his backpacking trips. Backpacking is not the same as camping. When you go camping there is a flat, clear spot to set up the tent or park the RV, a hook-up for water and electricity, and usually a bathhouse with toilets and hot showers. Backpacking, on the other hand, requires that you carry everything you will need for your excursion stuffed into the pack on your back.
So, my dad and a group of his friends had been out backpacking in the mountains for three days. Three nights in a row, the campsites had been full of rocks, and nobody was getting any sleep. Couple that with three days of eating the same dinner of Shepherds Stew—which in this case was canned meat and freeze-dried vegetables heated over an open flame—and you’ll understand what happened next.
At the start of the trip, they drew straws to delegate chores; one person would be responsible for setting up camp, another for cooking, and so on. Every night, for three nights, there were complaints about dinner. So, on the fourth night, the cook announced that he had prepared something new, and that if anyone complained they would have to cook. With a big smile on his face, he filled each tin plate with a heaping scoop of a stew that looked a little different. And it was … he had made Moose Shit Pie!
As kids we laughed and laughed at each telling of this story. From my dad’s perspective, it was a clear lesson about not complaining. As an adult, however, I see it a little differently.
Getting my husband to willingly do what I want to do will require some creativity. Let’s say I want to go out to the theater, and he wants to watch Netflix. If I unplug the modem … we have to go out. Or he wants to go fishing and I’d rather relax on the beach. I simply bury the fishing poles way in the back of the storage shed and conveniently place the beach umbrella right on top.
Try it! And don’t feel guilty.
Don’t think of this as manipulation … just like the camp cook…
You are using skillful and calculated sabotage.