SELF-IMPORTANCE
SELF-IMPORTANCE
Oh, Snap! You mean it's not about me?
Have you ever known that something was ridiculous, but you just couldn’t help yourself?
To try and explain your stance out loud would be like digging a pit and, once you reached the bottom, you wouldn’t know where you were. This is especially true if you’re talking to someone of the opposite sex who can’t possibly understand the significance of the issue.
That’s what happened to me the other day when I was explaining to my husband that I couldn’t take the dog for a walk on the beach. You see, my ridiculous truth is my non-negotiable schedule for washing my hair. An entire day’s activities are determined to coordinate with the day I wash my hair—or not. And to be honest, an entire day can also be planned around a pair of shoes, but I’ll deal with that one at some other time.
Now that I’ve said it, this admission sounds ridiculous, even to me! Do you think Emelia Earhart was concerned about hat hair when she removed her aviation helmet? And how about Frieda Kahlo? Did she obsess about her hair before picking up her paintbrush? Probably not … though she IS famous for her unibrow!
But here we were, at an impasse about something that should have been so simple—walking the dog on the beach. On top of that, it was a special day. Our town had just opened a half-mile stretch of public beach as dog friendly that historically had been closed to dogs. And here I was, mad because my husband wasn’t understanding the internal argument I was having with myself … and worse, he wasn’t agreeing with me. He doesn’t think about things like humidity and wind. He couldn’t care less if it might rain. He doesn’t obsessively check his bag before leaving the house to make sure he has an umbrella and a hair clip. From his perspective, going to the beach was not a major life decision.
I realized that I had no proverbial leg to stand on. Going to the ribbon cutting ceremony and dog beach opening was my idea—in essence, I was arguing with myself! So I twisted my hair into a clip and donned a visor. There were hundreds of people and their dogs enjoying the sunshine, with their bare feet and paws in the sand. And you know what? I had a great time and not one person commented about my hair style or lack thereof.
That realization brought up something I’ve noticed since entering this empty nest phase of life. For years, I lamented never having time for myself. I would commiserate with other moms about our children not appreciating us. We would share our feelings of being invisible laborers while wistfully imagining a future when the world didn’t revolve around our children.
Flash forward … the kids are gone … and I’m mad at my husband for not understanding that I want his world to revolve around me? Then, I remembered the opening line from the book The Purpose Driven Life, written by Rick Warren. “It’s not about you.” What a great reminder and a much needed wake-up call!
Why should my husband care about my hair? Nobody should care about my hair. It’s just hair! So why was I giving so much energy to what should have been a simple decision?
Maybe it’s not about my hair. With the kids gone, I’ve been struggling to find my purpose and wondering what mattered. For years and years, I didn’t think much about the monotony of daily chores because I was doing them for someone else. And therein lies the secret sauce!
My answer has been right here in front of me. I’m sure I’ll still struggle from time to time, but I’m confident my purpose in life has very little to do with my own self-importance.