SKIN A CAT
The way I did it.
I let him be right.
The best way to load a dishwasher. The best way to train a puppy. The importance and intricacies of monochrome decorating. All were A–OK with me. The dishes were clean, the puppy was already potty-trained, and white picture frames on white walls did look nice after all.
This was not a situation of picking my battles. Being “Right” and making sure that everyone agreed with me was very important to my younger self. Now that I’ve completed nearly 58 trips around the sun, I’m coming to terms with how much I don’t know.
And yet, I set out on my journey to visit my son convinced that I would impart my years of wisdom and fix things. That is something I do. I fix things. The flight would take six hours, plenty of time to prepare a list of positivity slogans: “Own your attitude. Stop blocking your own happiness. Where you put your time and energy is where you will go. Celebrate your progress—even the small stuff. You choose what kind of person you want to be.”
I had a whole page, single-spaced.
I hadn’t even unpacked my suitcase before it was clear my son had no interest in my Pollyanna approach.
The thing is, I believe in every word. Having a positive attitude and routines have helped me navigate life. Relenting on the dishwasher, the puppy, and the decorating was easy. What wasn’t so easy was letting go of my insistence on positive thinking, not to mention having morning and bedtime routines.
Generally, I start my case by saying, “It’s not just me … The experts agree that getting up early and starting the day with an accomplishment (like making the bed) and exercising will create a path to success” or “The experts agree that turning off electronics, going to bed at the same time each night, and recording positive details from the day in a journal can be life-changing.” And then there’s my favorite: “PRAY, pray, and pray over everything.”
Routines have always been my jam. As I was thinking about some of my favorite routines, I was remembering bedtime with my toddlers. Our bedtime routine started with “skin a cat,” which meant raising your arms over your head so Mom could pull your shirt off and get you in the tub. Then, into the jammies, brush the teeth, and snuggle up to read a story book. The smell of Johnson’s baby shampoo in their hair and the weight of their heads on my shoulder while I read and we looked at the pages together was such a precious time. Bedtime was definitely a favorite time of day when the kids were little. Of course, not every night went smoothly. Many were full of struggles and tears. Not wanting to go to bed … not wanting to take a bath … demanding that I read just one more story.
That memory and more are reminders that even the best routines sometimes fail. And at every age, we all prefer to drive. I’m sure my son and I will continue to debate the “best way” to do many things, but this week, I let him be right.
The way I did it. Skin A Cat.
This is part of what I’m calling Expeditionvision—trying things on purpose and paying attention to what happens. I’m not offering advice or giving instructions. I’m just sharing the way I did it. If there’s something that you’ve been wanting to do—but haven’t—I’d love to hear about it. I’m open to reader suggestions for future experiments.
Field Notes: For Paid Subscribers
Paid subscribers, I’ve added a short field notes section below with what surprised me the most, and what I would do differently the next time. Thank you for your support! XO, ~Stephanie