It was meant to be a compliment, and it was . . . I just didn’t get it right away.
We all have groups of friends and family that we don’t see very often. For my family, it takes a holiday or a special event to bring us together. And these days, it’s weddings and funerals, and we fly in from different parts of the country. This time, we met at a hotel for a destination wedding.
Everyone got checked in and cleaned up, and we met for the first time in quite a while at the reception party. As I walked in, one of my relatives said, “Oh, you’re skinny again.” So, here’s the thing . . . I didn’t realize right away that it was a compliment, because I didn’t think there was ever a time when I was NOT skinny. Sure, I had gained a few pounds over the years. I just didn’t suppose that anyone had noticed. So, I was hit with a dose of reality—of course they noticed!
This realization set off a train wreck of negative thoughts. What other things did people notice? Chipped nail polish . . . my shoes weren’t brand new . . . the heels were scuffed (I have the uncanny ability to step into every crack in the sidewalk and scrape the heels of my shoes). Did I have a runner—panty hose were not a usual part of my wardrobe—did I buy a new pair? As I mentally moved up my torso, I felt fairly confident. I stopped wearing sleeveless tops a while ago, so my shoulders were covered . . . no bra straps or exposed crepe skin. Then it hit, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. What did I look like from the back? The hotel didn’t have a full-length mirror.
All this worry took place in less than a minute and was quickly forgotten after a glass of wine and some really bad wedding dancing.
Later that night, back in the hotel room, I casually mentioned to my husband, “I can’t remember the last time I wore this dress; I hope it wasn’t at a wedding.”
To which he replied, “Do you remember what anyone else wore the last time you saw them?”
True, I couldn’t remember. And then he said, “That dress looks good on you. You should wear it all the time.”
And then I spent the next few minutes arguing with him, trying to explain why that was a ridiculous idea. He didn’t understand that wearing the same dress was a major faux pas—there would be photographs! I got a little sidetracked when trying to explain the bridesmaid dress quandary. You know, every new bride coaxes her bridesmaids into buying overpriced dresses with the assurance that they can wear the dress again. As we all know, that never happens. Even though what I was saying was true, it wasn’t really relevant to the point I was trying to make. I could tell I was losing him by the glazed look in his eyes.
Wait! He was giving me a compliment, and I was arguing with him. In fact, I had received two complements that night, and my reaction to both was to argue and deny.
Why do I do that?
It feels good to get a compliment, even if it isn’t delivered in the most graceful fashion. Even when you don’t get the intention right away. It occurs to me that if I argue and deny enough, the nice comments might stop. I need to savor the moment, receive the compliment, and smile . . .
I’m skinny again.