SOCIAL FITNESS
The way I did it.
I practiced on purpose.
After the success of last week’s experiment—calling a friend and going to a wine bar together—I was energized to “quantify” practicing my relationships.
I knew I couldn’t leave it up to chance or merely hope for success. My problem was where to begin. Many references to the importance of social engagement have vague advice, but few offer a daily structure. Last week, I mentioned the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which is a great study and the one that’s cited most often. There are also recommendations from the Blue Zone plan, the “Concentric Circles” model created by clinical psychologists, and the Surgeon General, who encourages doctors to prescribe “social” recommendations along with drug therapies, diet, and exercise. Even the World Health Organization suggests that socialization is as important as diet and exercise for health and longevity.
Honestly, I found all this research a little overwhelming … and even debilitating. But rather than becoming a victim of paralysis by analysis, which has left me frozen so many times before, I came up with this: 1, 5+, 1.
Every day, I will engage in one hour of meaningful conversation.
Every week, I will interact with five different people plus attend one group gathering.
Every month, I will share one meal or tradition.
What it looked like.
The daily conversations had to include people other than employees, which would have been too easy. To meet my goal of one hour a day of meaningful conversation, I extended it to in-person conversations, phone calls, and text messages. I had to leave my desk to talk with museum visitors … so that counted … and that was a nice break in my day. I have the bad habit of sitting so long that my legs go numb! I also had to change my policy of ignoring the group text “pings” on my phone. I think I’ve told you about the anxiety that group texts give me. What I needed was a shift in my attitude when I see my friends communicating! I then used my lunch break to call my husband and to check in with my kids, rather than waiting until 5pm when I’m too tired. I didn’t have an hour’s conversation with one person. Instead, it was a combination of shorter, yet still meaningful, connections throughout the day.
Interacting with five different people turned out to be easier than I thought it might be. I had coffee with a colleague, gave a tour of our museum galleries, planned an Artimis II space launch watch party with a friend, met another friend, Hillary, to lift weights at the Y, and sat with a friend at church. The group activity I “counted” this week was attending the Arts VoCo fundraising event.
I was able to complete the final “1” of my plan—sharing a meal or tradition once a month—this week because Easter fell on Sunday. It was very different from the traditional Easter of years past. It was just the two of us. We didn’t dye Easter eggs, and I didn’t bake a ham or make deviled eggs. I kind of wish I had. I love eggs and ham. However, I did send Easter baskets to the kids through Amazon.
Writing the plan down and then filling in the blanks at the end of the week gave shape to my circle. It turns out that connection doesn’t always arrive as a big event. Sometimes it’s a phone call at lunch, a conversation in a hallway, a seat beside a friend at church. Once I started counting them, I could see that I was already surrounded.
The way I did it. Social Fitness.
This is part of what I’m calling Expeditionvision—my quest to find what a meaningful life looks like. One experiment per week, possible strategies for a happier life. Trying things on purpose and paying attention to what happens. I’m not offering advice or giving instructions. I’m just sharing the way I did it. If there’s something that you’ve been wanting to try—but haven’t—I’d love to hear about it. I’m open to reader suggestions for future experiments.
Field Notes: For Paid Subscribers
Paid subscribers, I’ve added a short field notes section below with what surprised me the most, what I didn’t expect, what I might do next time, and the things I’m still working on.