Life as a series of stages, or seasons is something I’ve been thinking a lot about as a newbie empty nester.
After numerous conversations with friends and consulting stacks of self-help books, I’ve come to believe that for most women … and I include myself here … once you reach adulthood, there are three stages. Each is a significant milestone, and each starts with the letter “M.”
First Up—MARRIAGE
Most of us started thinking about marriage long before it was a possibility. Beginning at age seven or eight, I practiced writing my wedding vows and designing my ceremony, using Barbie and Ken as the bride and groom. I always knew that I wanted to get married, and I didn’t waste any time. I met my first husband in high school. We were married before I turned twenty. Now that I’ve told you I had a first husband, it’s easy to guess that marriage didn’t work out. It may be why I have urged my children to go to school, find themselves, and then get married. Little did I know how much stress would be involved for their generation! I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with social media, working from home, and the pressures of influencers. My kids have to deal with all these things … and, unfortunately, I have no idea how to help.
Next Up—MOMMY
The other thing I always knew was that I wanted to be a mom. I started babysitting when I was nine. I can remember telling the parents that they didn’t have to pay me because I loved it so much. I adored the whole idea of playing house. I would cook dinner, usually mac-and-cheese with a can of green beans, and then I would clean the house. This was about the time lemon scent Pledge was all the rage. I even folded laundry. Imagine my surprise when hiring a babysitter—for ten dollars an hour—and hoping she would pay enough attention to at least call 911 if the house was on fire. It turns out that not all women want children though some had them anyway, which was popular for my generation. I recently read that nearly half of the Millennials and Gen Zs don’t want to have children. My daughter would identify with this group. But I’m still hoping she changes her mind before she reaches the dreaded third stage …
MENOPAUSE
There is still a lot of confusion for me about this stage. My husband likes to question whether it is “real.” Apparently, in some cultures, women don’t have the symptoms that American women report. I suppose if your daily life involves the struggle to carry water on your head from a well ten miles from your home, you may not notice if you are sweating while you sleep at night. I just know that beginning at about age 45 I didn’t feel like myself. Telling this to my doctor did not turn out to be very helpful.
I’m not sure why it has taken me ten years to decide to be my own advocate. Maybe there are some symptoms that are a normal part of aging, but since nobody can tell me what those are, I’m happy to try my best to avoid each and every one. I’ll give up sugar if it reduces the spare tire around my middle. I’ll consider skipping my daily glass of wine if it will help me sleep through the night. I’m trying swimming and acupuncture and refusing to let my hair go gray.
Nothing is off the table … except succumbing to this last M word.